Who do you surround yourself with?
Relationships are central to well-being. They come up in almost every conversation I have with clients, students, colleagues, and friends - we don’t operate in a vacuum.
Who is in your circle?
- How do these people spend their time?
- What do they value?
- Do their actions match their words?
- Do they talk often of wanting something different yet continue to stay stagnant?
Are they caring, capable, and interested in self-improvement? Not like “I’m going to compete in another marathon” -type of improvement. I mean truly looking inward to try to get to the root of what drives them, why they want what they want, why they behave in the ways they behave.
It is difficult for us to grow as individuals when the people we surround ourselves with are not growing.
How can you tell if your people are capable?
- Do they seem to be in the same place now that they were ten years ago?
- Do they complain about an aspect of their lives, yet make no real strides to address it?
- Do they seem to distract, suppress, eat more (or less), or drink alcohol, rather than focusing on legitimate ways to address an issue?
What about the people who surround your people?
How capable is someone, really, when everyone around him or her isn’t capable?
I was in a situation not long ago where I began to realize that someone I was close to did not have healthy people in their life. I became skeptical of how they could have evolved as a person, yet had not recruited people who are capable and healthy to take part in their life.
I encourage you to question why you’re investing time and energy into certain people.
Investing in a person who isn’t really capable, while forgoing the opportunity to maintain a relationship with someone who is, makes it difficult to grow.
The ability to be introspective and develop won’t fall in your lap. It doesn’t necessarily come with age or experience alone. Reflection is necessary, and having supporters who are healthy and can provide objective insight is crucial. I’m lucky to have cultivated a group of supporters who are capable. In turn, I can reciprocate because I’m doing the work myself.
I’m interested in investing in others who aim to be their authentic selves. Who aren’t running away or hiding from who they are and what they want. I’m interested in people who move toward discomfort and difficulty, knowing that the only way out is through.
Not everyone has to do things my way. But certainly we each get to decide in whom we invest and how we want to construct our lives. We all have choices. I encourage you to examine your own social support network and note how it may affect your thoughts, behaviors, and health.
Much Love Y’all,